Bournemouth Classic

You are taught the controls on a practice area, then you ride the trail in a line behind a lead instructor, with a sweeper at the back. Buggies are the two-seat version and are easier for anyone who does not fancy balancing. Sessions run from about an hour, and the course is mud, gradients and ruts rather than a track. It is slower than it looks and considerably dirtier. Old clothes, boots or trainers you do not care about. Helmets and overalls are provided. Sober, and most sites have a minimum age and a weight limit.

Standard entry gets the group past the queue on a guest list, which matters because large male groups are the first ones a door turns away. A booth adds a reserved table, a set number of bottles with mixers and a host who looks after the table. Booths are sold on a minimum spend rather than a flat fee at many clubs, so the bottles you order count towards it. Ask what the minimum is and what it includes before you agree to anything. Dress code is enforced hard on stag groups. No sportswear, no trainers at some doors, no matching shirts, and nobody visibly drunk gets in regardless of the booking.

In bubble football you climb into an inflatable zorb that covers you from the knees up, then play five-a-side. Most of the game is flattening each other, and the ball is close to an afterthought. Referees run short matches with breaks, because it is hot inside the bubble. Human table football straps the teams to horizontal bars in an inflatable pitch, so you can only move sideways. It is less physical and better for a mixed-fitness group. Sportswear and trainers, no boots with studs. Empty your pockets and leave watches and glasses with the kit bag.

You meet the guide at a fixed point and move through a run of bars across the evening, usually four or five, finishing at a club. The guide knows the doors, so you skip the queue and the group is not turned away for being too large. Most crawls include a welcome drink or a shot at each stop, and entry to the final venue. The rest is on you. Groups from several bookings are often merged, which some stags like and some do not, so ask whether yours is private. Dress code is the club's, not the guide's. No trainers and no sportswear at the last venue, and matching shirts get refused at some doors.